CW: Self Harm. Good news, you don’t have to read 3 paragraphs about my child hood memories surrounding tomato soup. I don’t have any. Here is the recipe. Ingredients you will need: 6 on the vine tomatoes. 6 Roma tomatoes (look I’m not a tomato authority. I only barely started…

When I was in the 8th grade, I went to Cedarcrest Junior High in a swank town called Spanaway, WA. Students’ birthdays were celebrated amongst their friends by finding them in the hallway and punching that person as many times to equal the number of years old they just turned…

In the wake of a viral tweet that erupted last week, I have received countless requests from customers of this monopoloid on how they can save money, lower their bills, get the best value, etc. Providing the absolute shortest answer possible, I recommend signing up for internet service ONLY and…

In March of 2020, Xfinity sent me home with my desk supplies, personal belongings, computer, monitor and earbuds. Covid-19 was raging and states were beginning to announce various levels of shut down. While we were assured it would likely only be a few months, our call center would be working…

In our first apartment together, my wife Nicole and I had a neighbor just below us that we affectionately (and frustratingly) referred to as “Hammer Guy.” Every single day for 2 years, we would hear hammering below us. At any hour of day or night. Hammering. Sometimes, we could see…

My uncle Brad considers himself a chef of sorts. In his younger years, he served as a cook in the navy or at least that’s how it was explained to me by other relatives. I can testify (and I’m not sure why I’m being subpoenaed to court as a witness…